


The Only Exception

by BrokenTailLights



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Lashton - Freeform, M/M, fear of love?, that's literally it.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:49:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4141824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTailLights/pseuds/BrokenTailLights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Luke is Ashton's only exception</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Exception

**Author's Note:**

> I edited this at like one am so if you find any spelling/grammar mistakes then I'm sorry  
> it's also the longest one-shot I've ever written so I'm sorry if it sucks at some parts i'M REALLY SORRY OKAY
> 
> Also Ashton is the same age as the other boys in this, but he's the eldest- does that make sense? 
> 
> Title taken from The Only Exception by Paramore

When Ashton was  _born_ , he was born with love. Although he doesn't remember, the photos of little tufts of hair and sparkling honey eyes show nothing but  _happiness_  and  _contentment_. The photos with his mother, her eyes are filled with  _love_. The photos with his father, his eyes are filled with  _love_. His parents loved each other, and loved him just as much, and Ashton wishes that one year olds were taught that love doesn't last forever.

When Ashton was  _three_ , there was a quarrel in his house every week. He didn't understand why or how because families were supposed to be  _happy_ , they were supposed to watch movies on Saturday nights, they were supposed to go for outings in the holidays, they were supposed to celebrate birthdays with cute little parties, but none of that happened in his home. When he went to playgroup, his best friend Josh told him that his parents rowed so much that they separated. Ashton refused to believe his friend because his mum had told him that she was in love, and people who are in love don't separate do they? Ashton still wishes he'd listened to Josh.

When Ashton was  _six_ , he awoke in the middle of the night for a glass of milk. His tiny feet pattered down the stairs, but he tripped over a lump at the bottom, letting out a yelp and he knew he was in trouble because his mum didn't like him going down the stairs alone in the midst of the night even though Ashton had assured her that he was big now. The lump he had tripped over let out a curse, and the lights were turned on making Ashton cover his eyes with his hands because he had only come down for a glass of milk but now he was being blinded. Ashton watched the lump move towards him, and as his eyes adjusted towards the light, he saw his figure. His father's figure. The tall man walked over to him, pressing a small kiss to his forehead and whispering an 'I'll come and visit, yeah buddy? Stay good for me. Look after your mum." And he picked up a few bags and left. Ashton was left in a daze, as he went to the kitchen to grab his milk. He wasn't sure what happened, but he decided to sleep in the empty space next to his mother for the remainder of the night anyway. He wasn't sure what had happened, when he awoke to find his mother sobbing loudly, hugging him tightly. He wasn't sure what happened, when a woman came to talk to him and labelled his father's demise as a 'divorce.' He wasn't sure what to say when she asked him how he felt. He wasn't sure what happened when his teacher started to be a lot more caring towards him. He wasn't sure why his mother always seemed so much more tired than she used to. He wasn't sure why his mother was always working, and why he had to stay at home with a babysitter. He still wasn't sure what happened when his father phoned a few months later, and promised to see him the following weekend. He wasn't sure what happened when he never did turn up. He wasn't sure why his father never did phone again and he wasn't sure what or how or why or  _where_  his father was and why he wasn't coming back. Ashton became sure of the situation, when three years later he woke up for a glass of milk, and suddenly became frightened at the thought, before going back to sleep with a parched throat. Ashton never did wake up for a glass of milk again after that.

Ashton was  _nine_  when he was finally old enough to attend his school disco. He went out with his mother so he would look the best on the dance floor. He bought a new shirt, new jeans, new light-up trainers, and even managed to convince his mother to get him one of those expensive fedora hats.  
The school disco itself was a lot of fun. His friends all arrived together, and they had a great time drinking squash and trying on Ashton's fedora, making him stamp his feet on the polished floor so they could see his shoes light up over and over again until his legs hurt from stamping and his mouth hurt from laughing and his arms hurt from being dragged around by his best friend Michael over to different people with the same introduction of 'My friend's shoes light up wanna see?'   
Before the disco, Ashton had asked his mum who would he pick when they were told to pick a partner and his mother had told him to pick the prettiest person in the room, so towards the end of the night when the DJ told them to a grab the hand of their partner Ashton grabbed the hand of a boy with brown hair and blue eyes, because he was the prettiest person in the room. He was confused when people started chanting the word 'gay!' at him, because some of the girls were pairing up so why couldn't the boys? He wasn't even sure what the word gay meant, until he saw the blonde head of Michael walk over and tell him to ignore what everyone was saying and that he'd be his partner. Ashton felt uncomfortable under the gaze of everyone else for the rest of the night.  
When he went home he looked up the meaning of gay, and it simply said happy. Why wasn't he allowed to be happy? Ashton realises now, that most types of happiness are rejected by society.

When Ashton was  _eleven_ , his grandparents bought him his very first drum set. He knew it was a big fork out, because they weren't exactly the richest pensioners, and it hadn't even been wrapped up, but it was by far the best christmas gift he had ever received. Even better, he had finally found an escape. Ashton loved banging out rhythms on his cheap drum set. He loved the clash of the cymbals and the steady beat of the snare and the way he could bob his head along to whatever he was drumming and how the set belonged to  _him_  and  _only him_  and nobody else was allowed to touch it and he'd finally found a passion. Ashton wonders now where he'd be had he not found his passion in drumming.

When Ashton was  _twelve_  his mother came home from work with somebody else, and Ashton was annoyed when this somebody else didn't leave until late at night, and he became more annoyed when this somebody else invited himself over again for the weekend, and then again when this somebody else would take his mother out and he would be dropped off at Michael's house for the evening and sometimes overnight, because he didn't want a babysitter, and Ashton became irritable as this somebody else was taking his mother away because it had always been  _AshtonAndHisMum_  but now it was  _Ashton, HisMumAndSombodyElse_  and Ashton decided that he already hated him, before he moved in with them, before he became a part of their daily routine, and before he saw the ring on his mother's finger. When the vows were said and done with in the Church, Ashton still hated him.

When Ashton was  _thirteen_  his mother began to put on weight, and when he asked why she said she was having a baby, and Ashton almost felt like crying because he didn't want another somebody else. His stepfather had sneered at the worried look on his face and Ashton has used that new word that Michael had taught him in school, which he thought was pretty funny, although it obviously wasn't as his mother sent him to his room for the rest of night.  
Having a little sister wasn't as bad as Ashton thought it would be, however since he started secondary school he would mostly stay cooped up in his room with his homework and drums to avoid the two somebody else's that had invaded his house. He was annoyed that his mother had started to pay more attention towards the baby, and even his stepdad had stopped taking him out to places, and even if Ashton didn't like him, their outings to the local pub would still keep him occupied for a few hours at night.   
So Ashton began to spend more time at Michael's house. He would go there at five O' clock every night after finishing his homework, and they'd play video games until tea, and then more video games until ten O' clock, and then they'd fall asleep and Ashton liked it like this because it meant he was allowed to avoid all the somebody else's without being questioned for it.

When Ashton was  _fourteen_ , he was still going over to Michael's house to avoid everybody, but one day someone else was on his couch. A small, blue eyed, blonde haired, chubby boy who was playing video games with Michael Clifford- his best friend.   
"Michael?" Ashton had asked shyly, and now he was annoyed because please,  _not_   _another_  somebody else. Michael had turned, only to grin at the hazel eyed boy,  
"Hey Ash grab a controller." And Ashton had done so, determined to beat everyone and everything because he hated somebody else's and he was prepared to show that through not only shooting zombies, but shooting the other players too.  
Luke was the first somebody else that Ashton didn't seem to hate. It was hard to hate Luke Hemmings after looking into his eyes, he was a bit like that hypno dog he had seen on TV once. Luke would also come around to Michael's on a daily basis, although he would come after tea which meant Ashton got an hour with his best friend every day before the blonde one turned up.  
Ashton was living in his peaceful happy bubble, until one day he came home from school to find his mother sobbing on the couch, a one year old Lauren desperately trying to comfort her and  _he_  was nowhere to be seen. As Ashton walked over, his heart dropped to see that his mother had put on excessive weight again. Another somebody else.

When Ashton was  _fifteen_ , he began to spend more and more time at Michael's house, making sure to invite Luke and his friend Calum over too. He enjoyed the company of the other boys a lot, and after his stepfather left, he attempted to stay away from home as much as possible, even though his mother and other siblings had moved on, he still wasn't comfortable with the situation. There was still something heavy in his chest, something that had come and stayed for nearly ten years and he just wanted it to go away. He was sick of being introduced to people who never stayed for long. He was sick of people leaving for no valid reason. He was sick of warming up to people, laying down his trust, wedging his life into others, in hopes that they wouldn't leave but they always did and something always went wrong and Ashton always promised himself that he wouldn't lean on anyone ever again but he always broke his own promise.  
It was obvious, that Ashton hated it when trust was torn, and people lied and  _things changed_.

When Ashton was  _sixteen_ , he became conscious of his relationship status. Everyone had long had their first kiss at twelve, their first girlfriend at thirteen, and hell some people were losing their virginity (although that was definitely something he didn't want to try just yet in fear of  _another somebody else_ ). But he did want to have a jab at this relationship thing. The problem was, Ashton didn't know anyone that he wanted to label his 'girlfriend.' There were girls he knew, girls he talked to, girls who lived close by and girl he spotted once in a while, too shy to strike up a conversation. He found girls pretty, there were a lot of pretty girls in his school, but they didn't make him want to kiss them. He looked at them all like he looked at his younger sister,  _pretty with a nice smile but not someone he'd make out with_. Even so, Ashton managed to find himself in a relationship mere months later, when he'd been staring at a girl and Michael caught him and before he could protest he was shoved towards her and was asking her out on a date (And in all honesty, it wasn't hard to make her agree to a date, to which Michael shoved him  _hard_  and told him to  _stop being so stupid_  of course it wasn't hard to make her agree to a date  _because half the school's female and possibly male population_  had their eyes on Ashton Irwin  _but he never fucking realised_ , to which Ashton grew bashful and his cheeks reddened and he became a little more self conscious of other student's wondering eyes, although he would be lying if he pretended his ears didn't perk up when Michael mentioned that the male population of students took a fancy to him too although he wasn't sure  _why_ ) Ashton didn't have the heart to tell Michael that the only reason he had being staring at the girl was because she had just shoved an Artichoke Hearts book into her bag, aka  _his favourite book ever._  
Ashton slowly found himself warming up to Grace. She was fun and bubbly and they had the same taste in books and TV shows and he always found he had so much to talk with her about and even though he was positive he wasn't in love with her, just talking to her was always nice which usually lead to a make out session which he never thoroughly enjoyed because of her tongue and almost sickly sweet lip gloss and the way that he had to hold her it just never did feel right, although he pushed these thoughts away with the mere explanation of it being because it was his first relationship, and she was his first girlfriend and maybe he was just inexperienced.  
Ashton hadn't even turned sixteen and a half when his heart broke once again, at the sight of his girlfriend kissing some other dude and he wasn't sure whether to rush over there and shove them both off each other or just turn and walk away and cry because it was his fault and  _he knew_  he wasn't supposed to get attached, and  _he knew_  that trust was always broken, and  _he knew_  that nobody keeps their promises, and he knew,  _he fucking knew_  that everyone leaves in the end anyway, so why on Earth did he think she was different? Ashton didn't need to be told twice, when Michael reassured him that she wasn't worth his tears.

When Ashton was  _seventeen_ , his grades began to drop. He had a year and a half until he graduated, and his grades were nowhere near up to standard. He needed good grades to get into a good college, because he was desperate to go with Mikey and Cal and Luke to a college in the city of Sydney where life was  _exciting_  and  _fun_  and nothing like this dull town of dull people.   
But no matter how hard he tried, he found it absolutely impossible to concentrate in lesson, and when it came to homework nothing really made sense to him, and in exams then the words always fuzzed and he never really understood the questions because he had tried to study but he couldn't understand the text book because he hadn't been paying attention in class and he hadn't done his homework and it was just  _a constant cycle of_   _failure_.  
So Ashton actually considered the idea when one of his teachers suggested that he get a tutor, because yes a tutor was what he really needed. The difficult part was deciding who. His teacher had suggested a friend, but his friends consisted of people like Michael Clifford and Calum Hood who couldn't even tutor a seven year old to save their life, and not because they were stupid but rather because they spent about 15 hours a day playing guitar hero or Fifa, and there wasn't really time for tutoring in between all that.   
That left Mr Luke Hemmings, the genius boy who pretty much knew everything, and was also always willing to help any person in need, so Ashton wasn't really surprised when the blue-eyed-boy nodded eagerly in agreement after a shy hazel-eyed-boy approached him. Tutoring at Luke's house seemed like the best idea because the Irwin residence was always full of people, whereas the Hemmings household was civilised and quiet (at certain hours, that is) and so their weekly study sessions began, often lasting for over four hours, because Luke was a patient boy with a lot of knowledge, and Ashton was an impatient boy who was slowly starting to realise that he was well and truly fucked if he did not pull his weight for finals.  
Study sessions with Luke consisted of the low drone of the radio in the back (because Ashton couldn't work in silence), the constant tapping of Luke's pencil against his thigh (because he tried not to be impatient with Ashton, _he really tried_ ) and the small grumbles that left Ashton as he worked through homework and revision (and maybe the odd erupting cheer from them both, every time the curly haired boy got something right.)   
And slowly, Ashton began to enjoy their study sessions, to the point that he didn't actually dread Mondays any more because he couldn't wait to spend three hours with a certain blonde boy for another five consecutive days. And maybe Luke was slowly beginning to grow used to Ashton's methods of learning and no doubt was he improving, because his teachers seemed to be relatively content with his steady C and sometimes B grades.  
But there was a problem. And Ashton only realised this problem when Michael muttered the word under his breath, after Luke asked him to get him something and the brown-haired boy sprung up to get it, way too eagerly. He ignored the word that time.  
But he couldn't ignore it when Calum repeated it a few days later, when they were both playing video games at Ashton's house, and a phone call was received from a certain blonde-boy, so he dropped his controller to answer his phone and that's when Calum repeated that same word that Michael had said less than 72 hours ago.  _Whipped_.   
Ashton interrogated his friend as soon as he put the phone down, and he was annoyed when the kiwi boy just laughed.  
"You think no-one's noticed?" He smirked, and Ashton simply stared because  _noticed what?_  
Before he could speak his thoughts Calum had continued,  
"Everyone knows you're in love with Luke, Ash" he paused before considering his sentence "well everyone except Luke"   
But Ashton had pretty much stopped breathing after Calum's first sentence because- love? No. Ashton was not in love. He couldn't be. Love was a monster, an evil, luring beast that came in the form of flowers and valentines chocolates, but was actually an angry devil, with three horns instead of two, who was greedy and selfish and love was a piece of shit.  
"I am not-" Ashton paused to clear his throat, _clear his voice_ so his next statement would sound more reassuring "-in love with Luke." And the way he spat the second word made Calum flinch, because he'd never seen Ashton so upset and angry, and so he mumbled a small 'okay' as they both continued their video games in silence until it was time for him to go.  
When Calum had left, Ashton couldn't help but ponder over his words, and wonder why people thought that he felt such a way towards Luke. For starters, Luke was his best friend. And secondly, Ashton didn't love. Love didn't make any sense. He didn't like the way that love made people take risks out of their own free will because they loved someone. He didn't like the way it made people careless. He didn't like the way that they would always stick up for that one someone because they 'loved' them, and maybe even wouldn't try to understand other sides of arguments because they saw their lover as flawless and perfect and Ashton didn't want that. Sure, he was fond of Luke, maybe a little more fond than he should be, but he wasn't  _in love_  with him because that would mean toppling and falling, and everything that topples, shatters right? And he didn't need that. He didn't need to be shattered. He needed to be independent. He was his own person, he didn't want to lean on the 'love' of another person. Love was a pile of rubbish.   
"Are you alright, hon?" Ashton hadn't even noticed his mother walking into the room, but he nodded at her question.  
"Mum- can I ask you something?"  
"Sure" Anne settled herself in the armchair next to the sofa her son was perched on, as he took a deep breath,  
"What is love?" Ashton didn't look up to see his mother's reaction because he knew he would end up witnessing a pained look in er eyes because her love life wasn't exactly amazing, so he waited patiently before receiving an answer,  
"It's- like a feeling that you get... " she paused "Christ, Ash I don't know how to explain this to you."  
"Okay, but when do you know that you're in love?"  
This time a small smile made its way to his mother's face,  
"When the person steals food that you're making- and you get irritated- but instead of moving away yourself you scold them every time they try. When the person wears your favourite shirt, and even though you hate it when someone else wears your clothes, you smile fondly and allow it. When you hear the loud obnoxious laugh of said person, and even though you hate it when people laugh too loud, you can't help but laugh along." She paused a second before saying quietly "Love is not being able to live without such a person. Love is making exceptions for your lover- exceptions that usually would irritate you to the ends of the Earth- but this- this person is your ends of the Earth."  
His mother waited a few moments before softly asking the obvious,  
"Who is it?"   
"No-one. Love is a piece of shit." And he got up and left the room.

Luke and Ashton held a study ritual that every day at five thirty they'd both get up and attempt to make some sort of dinner, as a source of fuel for their non-stop studying.  
During the next study session, Ashton said that there was a recipe he wanted to try and so Luke sort of lingered in the back of the kitchen, only helping when he needed to.   
Once the pasta was prepared in a dish, Ashton proceeded to grate some cheese, whilst Luke sat on the counter next to him. Every few seconds Luke would pinch a small amount of cheese between his fingers and snack on it- until the elder let out a laugh.  
"Stop Luke" he whined "This cheese is for our pasta."  
"But I'm hungry" Luke replied in an equally whiny voice, dragging out the last consonant.   
Even so, Luke continued to steal the cheese and Ashton continued to swat his hand away.

_When the person steals food that you're making- and you get irritated- but instead of moving away yourself, you scold them every time they try._

Ashton paused as these words flooded his mind and quickly grabbed Luke's hand.  
"Stop Luke." He muttered, before taking the plate of cheese and sprinkling it over the pasta. Luke was confused at the sudden change in atmosphere but he didn't question it.

The following day the four boys decided to have a pool party, and because Michael had the biggest pool, it was only logical that they have it there.  
Ashton arrived just after lunch to find the other three boys already in the pool, and he pouted upon the sight,  
"You said everyone's going to be here after lunch!" He pointed an accusing finger towards the red-head.  
"They just turned up" Michael shrugged nonchalantly, a small smirk on his face as Ashton shot him multiple death glares.  
Once Ashton was in the pool with his friends, the first thing he did was dunk Michael.  
"What was that for?" Michael spluttered once he got back up, ignoring the hysterical laughs coming from both Luke and Calum.  
"For telling me the wrong time!"  
Michael opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it quickly.  
"Okay, I guess I deserved that."  
"Dunk!" Calum yelled, and all at once the four boys charged at each other in attempt to dunk one another. The aim of the game was to dunk the other three, and once your head hit under water you were out. The winner was the one who managed to keep his head above the water for the longest, and if it sounded like a game created amid a Luke and Michael argument- well that's because it was.  
As usual, Calum and Ashton were the last two players as dunking Michael and Luke was never a hard challenge. The tanned boy eyed his best friend, a mean glint in his brown eyes as a small smirk played on his face,  
"Do you surrender, Irwin?"  
"Nuh-uh" Ashton shook his head adamantly.   
Within three second Calum had jumped on the curly-haired boy's back, dunking them both underwater, although the younger boy tried to grip onto the edge of the pool to stop himself he managed to drag something else in with him as he and Ashton both found themselves under water.  
"So it was a tie" The elder boy grinned when they both came up for air  
"A tie." Calum nodded in agreement- although he was cut off by a shriek.  
"Calum Thomas Hood you drowned my shirt!" And sure enough, Luke Hemmings was holding a drenched shirt, desperately trying to wring it out although that wasn't going to dry it any time soon.  
"Relax Luke, I'll shove it in the dryer for you." Michael reasoned,  
"No- I have to be home in two minutes." And he actually looked on the verge of tears,  
"I brought an extra shirt, you can borrow it." Ashton said quickly, and although the logic would be that Luke borrow one of Michael's shirts because, well it's Michael's house, Luke nodded in agreement, a small smile forming,  
"Okay, thanks."

When the realisation hit Ashton, after Luke had gone he groaned loudly,

_When the person wears your favourite shirt, and even though you hate it when someone else wears your clothes, you smile fondly and allow it._

Ashton tried hard not to fall for Luke, he really did. He made sure that their study sessions consisted of nothing but studying. He cut away cuddling and instead replaced it with well, more studying. Luke didn't seem to notice, because Ashton wasn't being cold towards his blonde friend, he was simply trying to keep everything as platonic as possible, and even though Luke frowned whenever he moved a little closer to Ashton and found the older boy moving away, he shrugged it off because Luke Hemmings wasn't a person who dwelt on unnecessary thoughts, to spew unnecessary drama.   
But studying for four hours straight every day was beginning to tire out both boys, and by the time it hit mid-week, Luke suggested a Spongebob marathon after 2 hours of Literature, and Ashton didn't even bother saying no because Spongebob sounded a lot better than Shakespeare right now.   
There was a problem though. Luke and Ashton cuddled when watching T.V. It wasn't because they liked to act cute together oh no, it was just a thing. In fact all four boys often found themselves in a huge foursome cuddle session when watching television because cuddling was always nice.   
Since it was just the two of them Luke simply laid his head in Ashton's lap, flicking through channels until he stopped on Nickelodeon.  
Ashton hated Luke. He hated his dimply smile, his pretty tears that cascaded when he laughed too hard, his red cheeks when faced with humiliation, his incapability to breathe because his mouth was preoccupied with giggles- everything about Luke Hemmings that made him look cute, made Ashton want to murder him. The hazel-eyed boy had decided, that being this cute, was definitely illegal.  
The line "is mayonnaise an instrument" had Luke in stitches for way longer than it should have, until he reached the point where he had found himself toppling off the couch and onto the floor, as he held his stomach tightly.  
Ashton groaned, mentally reminding himself to never allow Luke to watch so many Spongebob episodes at once because- well the giggly mess on the floor was the result of it.  
"Luuuuke" Ashton whined, lightly kicking Luke's side who simply squealed and scrambled away because oh yeah he was ticklish.  
Ashton soon gave up and couldn't help but crack a grin, although it disappeared as soon as it had arrived when he remembered

_When you hear the obnoxious laugh of said person, and even though you hate it when people laugh too loud, you can't help but laugh along._

Over-thinking on a Sunday night caused Ashton to text Luke, telling him that he didn't need study sessions any more and thanks for all the help but he was okay now. He needed to cut any extra contact with Luke. He couldn't fall in love with Luke Hemmings because love wasn't something that he did, and he wasn't planning on doing it any time soon.   
Luke replied with a simple 'okay' and Ashton nodded. Well that's that. And if Ashton just lay on his bed with his phone on his chest, already starting to miss the fact that the study sessions were over, then no-one needed to know.  
The following Monday at school, Ashton avoided the blonde boy. It was difficult because their lockers were pretty close together, as well as the fact that they had many mutual classes- but it wasn't impossible.   
Ashton's behaviour hadn't gone unnoticed. He told Michael he was going to eat in the library because he wanted to get some studying done. He ignored Luke's texts and calls, and made sure to keep away from him at all costs. It wasn't fair, Ashton knew it wasn't fair. But he needed to prove to himself that he could live without Luke Hemmings- so that he could prove that no he wasn't in love with Luke.  
But Ashton couldn't do it forever. He couldn't forever ignore a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile that lit up the city of Tokyo. He couldn't ignore a boy who approached him with a sheepish smile and a guilty look, with pink tinted cheeks. He couldn't ignore a boy who slowly muttered out an irrelevant apology because Luke had done nothing wrong and Ashton was the one being an asshole.   
He couldn't ignore the voice of his mother inside his head

_Love is not being able to live without such a person_

The first kiss that the boys' shared was unexpected to say the least. Ashton hadn't expected it to happen at all, let alone in a dingy playground under the climbing frame. Because, well making out under grubby plastic bars isn't exactly romantic.  
Even so, Ashton couldn't exactly remember how they'd got there and how they had found themselves in such a position, but he did remember pulling away quickly with dazed eyes and swollen lips, avoiding the gaze of the confused, also slightly dazed boy who stood opposite him.  
"Wh- what? What is it? Why did you pull a-"  
"I don't- I don't like you Luke." Ashton muttered, and his throat hurt to speak and tears pricked behind his eyes and he wished he could be three years old again riding on his father's shoulders with not a care in the world. But he wasn't three, he was seventeen and he had just lied to his crush who he had so desperately tried to convince himself that he wasn't crushing on Luke Hemmings although the kiss suggested otherwise.  
"I just- Luke,- we-" He stopped his useless stammerings, desperately trying to construct a coherent sentence in his jumbled brain "You're my best friend- my brother- Luke. Kissing you.. Isn't right. I'm sorry." And with that he spun around and raced back home because yeah those words weren't entirely false but there was definitely little truth behind them and he wishes he could just allow himself to fall and let go of his tight mind, but it didn't work like that because love was dangerous and evil and he couldn't fall in love because everything that falls gets broken and Ashton was already broken beyond belief, so how could he allow himself to break even further?

Luke didn't know what to do. He was shocked and confused and even a little giddy. He had just kissed his crush. But his crush had rejected him. Without a moment's hesitation he rang Calum, asking to spend the night at his place.  
Calum said nothing when he opened the door to Luke. He still said nothing when Luke silently made his way upstairs. Calum said nothing whilst Luke changed and slowly slipped under the sheets that had been set up for him. He still said nothing when he heard the silent snores that came from Luke's mouth within two second. Calum finally spoke at 3 am, when he heard the soft cries of the blonde boy, and pulled him into his own bed.

Three days. Three days Ashton moped in his room. He didn't attend school, hell aside from food and using the bathroom he didn't leave his bed. He cried a lot for those 72 hours. He slept a lot. He read books, which was something he never did but something new he decided to try. He couldn't get into them. His mind continuously floated back to a blonde boy with blue eyes and he was trying so hard to not think about him but it was impossible after they shared that kiss, and here he was thinking about him.  
Ashton groaned sometime around mid-afternoon of day number three. He had just woken up from his third nap of the day and he was feeling a tad better. He was also feeling hungry. So after he took his first shower of 72 hours, and found a snack in the fridge, he grabbed his jacket, keys, phone and wallet and headed out, hearing the faint cheers of his mother from inside 'My son's finally left the house' and he couldn't help but crack a small smile- his first smile of 72 hours.  
Ashton decided to walk to the park, instantly avoiding the kids' play area and made a beeline towards the hills. He sat on top of one, staring out towards the lake, as he willed himself to not think about anything- which was working pretty fine until he heard a voice.  
"What brings you here?" Ashton's breath caught in his throat, as he recognised Luke's familiar voice, so he willed to keep his eyes shut.   
"Just thinking" he mumbled and there was a pause "why are you here?" He finally asked turning towards the boy, who was still standing behind him and visibly stiffened when faced with the question,  
"Just passing" he shrugged "Can I sit?" Ashton nodded, turning around to face him properly as Luke sat cross-legged in front of him.   
"C-can we talk, Ash?"  
"We are talking" Ashton laughed softly, and Luke found himself also cracking a small smile,  
"I guess we are." He paused before shifting his gaze towards his lap "Ashton- that kiss- you can't tell me it didn't mean anything." He risked looking up at the other boy and immediately wished he hadn't. Ashton's soft gaze had turned into a cold, hard expression, his jaw tense and his eyes locked onto the grass.

"It didn't mean anything." Ashton muttered, and Luke groaned,  
"Ash, how can you say that? I'm not stupid! I'm the one who kissed you, I felt you kiss me, and it- it wasn't just a mistaken kiss. It wasn't an accident. There was something there Ash-"   
"Don't. Stop. Stop talking Luke. Don't say another word. Not if it's going to be about the fucking kiss."  
"Ash-"  
"No Luke."  
"-Why can't you face up to it? Don't shut me out Ash, I need to know- what's going on?"  
Ashton stared at Luke, cold and hard before dropping his gaze again,  
"Nothing's going on. It was only a kiss. There was nothing there."  
"Oh yeah? Well explain that to everyone else! Explain it to the people who come up to me and tell that my boyfriend and I look cute together. Explain it to my parents, who told me they were happy I had settled down with a nice boy. Explain it to Michael and Calum, who tell me that they're pretty sure we're secretly dating, because of the way we look at each other. You can't sit there and fucking tell me there's nothing. There's something Ash. Wh- what are you afraid of?" When Ashton didn't speak, a sudden thought occurred in Luke's mind,  
"Are you embarrassed of me?" He asked in the smallest possible voice and Ashton felt his icy heart shatter,  
"No- no no no Luke, no way, how could you- how could you say that?"  
"Then what is it? Tell me Ash, we're best friends."  
Ashton sighed, shaking his head, before taking a deep breath,   
"If- if we were to.. Date.." He started slowly "It would mean falling for you. I can't fall for you Luke. I can't get attached. I can't love, Luke. Luke you're such an amazing person, you're funny and smart and all that great stuff, and you deserve someone who will love you whole heartedly. I can't do that- because love is.. Love is a load of bollocks to me. I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to put my trust and happiness in someone else, because every time I do that- then something goes wrong. The person leaves, or the person gets bored, or I just- I fuck up. I fuck up a lot Luke, and, well you don't deserve a fuck up."   
Luke had remained silent the whole time, and even after Ashton had finished, he didn't show much sign of talking, so the brunet boy decided to continue,  
"I've seen it happen.." He began softly "I saw the way dad left her. How much it killed her inside because, well she was in love, and he obviously wasn't. Then I saw her fall in love again. Then I saw her break again. Even  _my_  first girlfriend betrayed me. Happy endings don't really run in our genes I guess" he laughed, but it was bitter and Luke decided that if there was one noise he could permanently dissipate from the world, it would be the sound of Ashton's broken laughter.   
"Ash..." Luke began just as softly "When did you become so negative? How can you look at only the people whose love lives never worked out? How can you not look at the people who are living happily?"  
"It's risky, Luke, it's just- it's far too risky. I don't- I can't-"  
"Ash- do you remember that time I had to sing in front of the school?" Ashton remembered. He remembered the year 10 talent show that Michael had somehow forced Luke to sign up for and he had to sing in front of the whole school and he was so nervous he had brought a pair of pants and left them backstage in case he wet himself whilst performing.  
"Yeah, I remember"  
"Do you remember how terrified I was? I told you I didn't want to do it because what if everyone laughed? What if I messed up? What if I forgot the words? And do you remember what you said back to me? You said they're just what ifs. You told me to fight back the what ifs. You said, what if everyone loved me? What if it went better than planned? What if I won the talent show?" Ashton remembered. Luke hadn't won, hadn't even come in the top three, but he wasn't gutted because his performance was amazing, and he got many compliments for his voice after that, even managing to score himself a lead role in the school's theatre production for their musical, even though he had politely declined.   
"There were so many thoughts running through my mind before I walked onto the stage that night. But i managed to do it. I whispered 'fuck it' and walked onto that stage confident as hell even though I was on the verge of shitting my pants. I took the risk.   
And that's what I need you to do. I need you to forget everything bad that this could lead to. I need you to stop what iffing everything, and stop telling yourself that you don't deserve to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved Ashton. You- you're a great person, and I really like you Ash. Don't act like we're nothing."  
Ashton remained silent, allowing the silence to consume them. He pondered over Luke's words, over his life choices and over everything that had just been said. And before he knew it, he was whispering a 'fuck it' before reaching forward and pressing his lips softly against those of the blonde boy. Luke was in a state of shock, and Ashton sensed this because there was no way that Luke wasn't kissing him back out of choice, so the older boy found himself being patient for once until Luke managed to overcome his state of temporary bewilderment, and managed to move his lips against Ashton's. For a first couple's kiss, it was rather passionate and forward, however there was no point in being awkward and clumsy when this was what they both definitely wanted.  
They both pulled back after a few short seconds, and Ashton felt the breath leaving his lungs as he found himself exhaling more than he was inhaling. There was a small smirk on Luke's face, and despite the situation the hazel-eyed found himself muttering a small 'what' in mock annoyance.  
"Nothing it's just that- I've never had that much of an effect on someone" And Ashton couldn't help the fond smile that fought its way to his face, and he couldn't help the practical heart eyes he was giving Luke Hemmings, and he really couldn't help leaning forward to kiss him once more because well, now he could.

_Love is making exceptions for your lover._

When Ashton was eighteen, he graduated high school and although his parents were stood right in front of him with a whole load of his family and closest friends, the first person he ran straight to to give a hug was his boyfriend. And if Ashton heard the small tutting 'whipped' that left the mouth of Michael or Calum, then he chose not to comment.


End file.
